Mindful waiting

“Pretty girls don’t go to university”. Nobody ever told me this kind of important news before, but many Ghanaian girls grow up with this idea. In addition, they also learn that if you do go to university, there is no way you can find a husband afterwards and have children.

I attended the opening of a science education camp for girls last week. About a hundred 14 year old girls from the Northern (and poorest) Region of Ghana, were put on a plane by an NGO to participate in this camp. They were gathered in the room, waiting for the Minister of Women and Children to talk to them about the importance of science. The slogans on the wall reminded me of the campaigns we had in the nineties in my high school, trying to convince girls to study maths and science. Een slimme meid is op haar toekomst voorbereid... en dat soort teksten.

Surprisingly the hundred girls didn’t laugh or whisper or anything for an hour, while we were all waiting for the Minister to arrive. It was dead quiet in the room. Some of them were sleeping, leaning their head on the seat in front of them. I wondered why they weren’t whispering, moving around or giggling. Some were staring at me. And I realised I was the personification of their nightmare. No husband, no children. That’s what university does to you.

The whole hour I kept wondering why they were so quiet and tired. Why they were not running around. Finally I asked the girl next to me if she had to wake up early this morning. So looked at me with her big eyes and shook her head.

It made me think of the babies on the trotro busses. They just sit there for hours and keep quiet. They don’t scream or cry ever, even with a chicken on their lap in 40C. And it made me think of how adults here seem to be able to completely zoom out of a situation. Like a boring presentation. Or a 4 hour church service. Or in this case waiting for a Minister. While I get all worked up and restless about wasting my time, they are there, but they are really not there. I wonder where their mind goes. And whether zooming out is something you can learn. Perhaps I should do a mindfulness training?

Or maybe it was just a case of the typical dialogue between a European and an African: European while ticking his nail on his watch: " why are you late?" African: "you are from Europe, you have a watch. I am African, I've got time".

Bill

‎The other day I saw him on tv giving his daughter Chelsea away (did you know Madonna restyled her all over from nerdy geek with frizzy hair to classy vamp?). That was the first time I thought about him for a long time. I was thinking what it must be like for him to live off his wife’s income now and be married to this woman who forgave him. Or perhaps she never did and as some kind of atonement makes him wake up early every day to do all the household tasks, saying maybe -one day- , she might forgive him. Or not. I don’t usually think about him much, but that same week he was on my mind again. Due to a facebook message. Someone posted a quote of him that really struck me.

"In too many countries, too much money pays for too many people to go to too many meetings and get on too many airplanes to do too much technical assistance".

Somehow I felt he was directly talking to me. And that made me blush and a bit ashamed, even though I haven’t been involved in any shady cigar business. Not that I travel so much as a consultant doing technical assistance or something, but I do live in airplanes lately. Some are paid by UNICEF, some I pay myself, but from the good money UNICEF pays me. Money that could be spend on food or safe drinking water for Pakistani children too.

I’m not advocating for a salary reduction, I love to be able to do all these things and fly around the world, for work, for training, for holidays. But Bill Clinton’s quote made me think of the UNICEF sponsored walk I used to do as a little girl. Me and my friends would go door-to-door and collect money for every kilometer that we would walk or run. We ran for hours till we were really exhausted. Proudly we would hand in our collected guilders. More money than my pocket money for a whole year. It made me feel really good about myself and about how I was helping the poor children in other countries. Ever since I wanted to work for UNICEF and help more vulnerable children and make their voices been heard. Bill made me think about that though. About all the money for plane tickets. About how selfish it is to feel good about yourself for helping others. I wish I had his phone number to talk things over. But I would have to come up with a more sensible question than his daughter’s secret for non-frizzy curls.

Our House

I think I officially qualify for homesickness today. Or at least for melancholy. But listen to this beautiful song. It's my favourite and sounds like the perfect evening to me, yet very unavailable at the moment. Don't listen to it if you just went through a painful breakup though, unless you feel like crying.



So thank god tonight I can't stay in bed and play sentimental songs. It's girls night again, with dirty Martini’s and lots of gossip! It will be such a relief after this work week of long discussions about the Ghanaian government’s planning and budget, endless discussions with 200 people and powerpoint presentations of over 70 slides.

It was the week of the Education Sector Review, meaning all parties involved in education in Ghana got together and made recommendations to the Minister of Education on priorities and improvements. Nothing new obviously. In fact I think we could have copied those of last year. But there was a personal new thing. It was the first time I felt completely comfortable commenting and giving my opinion. After 10 months I finally really seem to get what is going on... So I better stay a bit longer and miss our house a bit more.